Living With Anxiety – A Daily Struggle – Daily Deals from a Nerd Mom

I was always an extremely shy kid who never ‘grew out of it’. In high school, I started having panic attacks in class, especially Spanish class. I could barely remember anything and spent many days in the nurse’s office. My panic attacks consisted of a racing heart, overwhelming fear, fast breathing, shaking, sometimes crying, and hyperventilation. I didn’t realize at the time, but I was suffering from Social Anxiety.

I developed stomach issues because of all the anxiety. I had a note from the doctor to keep meds for it in the nurse’s office so I could take them as needed. The nurse knew me by name and would even ask me how I was doing if she happened to pass me in the hallways.

The crippling shyness I had as a kid turned into social phobia. I always felt like people were looking at me, and God forbid they looked like they were going to walk toward me, or worse, talk to me.

Anxiety as an Adult

As I got older, it seemed to get worse. I felt like, as an adult, you weren’t “allowed” to feel this way. You are supposed to talk to people and hold conversations. How are you going to hold a job and not interact with people?

I don’t drive…anxiety and fear have taken that from me. I took Driver’s Ed in high school over summer break and was a wreck the whole time, but I made myself do it. When I got to the DMV, a law had just changed requiring me to wait, so I never went back. I couldn’t drive even if I had a license; the fear and anxiety would take over.

Pregnancy and Postpartum Anxiety

When I was working and pregnant with our first baby, the anxiety was so bad. The bigger I got, the worse the social anxiety. People always wanted to talk to me about pregnancy, what we were naming her, or if they could touch my belly. Even a stranger asking to touch your belly is awkward, but for someone already dealing with mini panic attacks, it was overwhelming.

I didn’t go back to work after the teen was born until she was almost 3 years old. Even then it was only part-time, and it was extremely hard to re-enter the ‘world of people’. I had become very comfortable being at home.

Life as a Stay-at-Home Mom

Now that I am a Stay At Home Mom, there are times when I don’t leave my house for days, even weeks. Hubs will go shopping or run errands with the kids, and when I do go out, I often turn bright red if someone talks to me. I usually put blinders on when I’m out, as if I’m in a bubble. Hubs can’t pull up to the store so I can run in alone – it’s just not an option, and he has become very comfortable picking up personal items we need.

The hubs works full-time outside the house and handles grocery shopping and errands, while I manage everything inside. He has been with me since I was 16, so he has seen me go through most of this. Yet sometimes, while watching him sleep, I think, “Oh my God, what will I ever do if anything happens to him?!”

Most of the time, I don’t even go to the mailbox unless someone is with me. It’s ridiculous…and I know it.

Panic Attacks and ER Visits

Sometimes I have panic attacks from the fear of having a panic attack – it’s a vicious cycle.

Over the years, I have been to the ER 3 times for anxiety. Not once did any of the doctors offer tools to manage it. They would just say, “find out what’s causing it and eliminate it.” How do you do that when you aren’t panicking over anything in particular? Panic attacks can come out of nowhere, even while watching a movie.

For a while now, I’ve had that ‘elephant on the chest’ feeling. It gets so bad that it actually hurts, and it only makes my social anxiety worse. Over time, I’ve learned that having a few tools on hand to help me calm down can make a big difference. Whether it’s a quick‑dissolving calming aid, deep breathing exercises, or simply lying down until it passes, finding that small sense of relief helps me manage the moment. I also use a sleep monitor with ocean sounds to help track my heart and breathing during attacks, which gives me an extra sense of control and comfort.

Anxiety in the Family

Another day I’ll share how 2 of our nerdlings are showing signs of anxiety/social phobia. It’s heartbreaking because I feel like I may have passed this down. Anxiety and overwhelming fear is a daily struggle for me and many others. It’s not something that can be easily controlled, and support is crucial.