When Your Child Also Suffers From Anxiety

I’ve mentioned before that I suffer from major anxiety. It’s a daily struggle, and it takes all I have to fight it off whenever it creeps in. I’ve found techniques that help, but they don’t always work.

But what happens when your child also suffers from anxiety? How do you help them navigate it while managing your own?

Our Kids and Their Personalities

Our three kids are amazing. They each have unique personalities and quirks, and they’re really fun to be around. They behave well in public, and we often get comments from friends, family, and even strangers about it. Of course, at home, things are different – but that’s normal, right? I wish my husband and I could take all the credit, but their manners come from a combination of nature and nurture.

They’re naturally shy and tend to avoid drawing attention to themselves – just like me.

Not Wanting to ‘People’

Our teen can be shy at first until she feels comfortable with her surroundings or the people she’s with. She doesn’t like going anywhere alone or being the center of attention.

When she was eight, she met a set of twins and became close friends with them. Their mom taught their Wednesday night MPACT girls classes at a church, and our daughter joined in. She loved it! For a homeschooler, it was as close to a school experience as she could get. She went on camping trips, sleepovers, and more.

But there were days she simply refused to go because of anxiety. She didn’t want to ‘people.’ We reminded her that she’d miss the fun and wouldn’t see her friends for another week if she stayed home. It worked about 90% of the time. It’s tough to encourage someone to do something during an anxiety attack when you know exactly how they feel – they just want to run away.

Our Youngest’s Shyness

Our youngest is extremely shy in public, just like I was as a child. If we go out to eat, we try to face her away from others. If anyone can see her, she keeps her head down, barely moves her eyes from her plate, and hardly eats – a statue frozen with fear. A corner booth is best for all of us to feel comfortable. Once she opens up, she’s hilarious and full of life.

ADHD and Anxiety

Our son was diagnosed with ADHD at age eight. He’s eleven now, and we opted out of medication because he manages it fairly well with homeschooling.

Along with ADHD comes a need for structure. He needs to know what’s happening next. If he doesn’t have some kind of plan, anxiety takes over. Our home doesn’t have a strict schedule, but there’s a flow to our days. When something disrupts that flow, he struggles. He’ll ask repeatedly about upcoming events, not out of excitement, but because uncertainty triggers his anxiety.

At church, he initially loved Wednesday boys’ classes but refused to go after a minor incident with a teacher. He eventually returned and enjoyed it but avoided that teacher.

Another example: last Halloween, while Trick-or-Treating with my sister, two aggressive dogs tried to attack us. My son was traumatized and refused to trick-or-treat again. Even now, he fears dogs he doesn’t know.

Anxiety Can Make Them Physically Sick

Our youngest rarely has anxiety attacks, but when she does, they’re often triggered by medical issues, like taking medicine or visiting the doctor. Recently, she panicked about a toothache. She asked me to sit outside with her for fresh air. Eventually, she felt better, asked questions, and, after some fear, threw up – but then she slept well and was fine the next day.

Anxiety can affect the body as much as the mind – it’s more than panic, rapid heartbeat, or quick breathing.

Helping Them Through an Anxiety Attack

Whether it’s a general worry or a full-blown attack, there are ways to help children cope. Because I experience anxiety, I can relate and help them better than my husband, who has only had one or two minor attacks in his life.

Some tips for helping kids get through an anxiety attack:
Let them know they will get through it.
Validate their feelings without judgment.
Encourage slow, steady breathing.
Offer a safe space where they feel comfortable.
Stay calm yourself – their anxiety often mirrors yours.

Professional Tips for Helping Children With Anxiety

In addition to the strategies we use at home, experts recommend these tips to help kids manage anxiety:

Keep routines and predictability – Kids feel safer and more in control when their days have structure. Small schedules or daily “flow” can make a big difference.
Validate their feelings – Listen without judgment. Let your child express worries and reassure them it’s okay to feel anxious.
Teach calming strategies – Simple exercises like slow belly breathing, counting, or role-playing stressful situations can help children handle anxiety.
Encourage physical activity – Exercise and outdoor play help regulate mood and reduce anxiety naturally.
Create a safe, supportive space – Give your child a quiet corner or a comfort object they can turn to when anxious.

For more ideas and guidance:

With love, patience, and these tools, children can learn to navigate anxiety and gain confidence in facing life’s challenges.

Do you or someone you know struggle with anxiety or panic attacks? What strategies help you get through them?

Photo by Meruyert Gonullu

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