For many of us, having a family is a reason for being. It’s hard work, but at least it is something that gives life purpose. It is valuable in itself and comes with its rewards.
Eventually, though, the time will come for the kids to move out. It’s either time for them to go to college or they’re in their careers and looking for their independence.
At that point, it can sometimes be hard to let go of the idea of a family. Sometimes we want the good old days to go on forever, but unfortunately, they don’t. Young adults will eventually have to chart their own way in life, moving forward however they can.
But how do you tell if it’s time for them to move out? What are the signs? Let’s take a look.
They Don’t Have Privacy
One of the primary motivations for moving out is privacy. Your kids want to feel as though they have a modicum of independence and can do things without you knowing about them. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re doing something wrong. It just means that they’d prefer to be able to conduct their lives outside of your direct gaze. Being watched all the time – or feeling as though you are – is never a pleasant experience.
The Relationship Is Turning Sour
Sometimes it becomes evident that your child needs to leave home when the relationship turns sour. Often the desire to live an independent life is so great that it can change the nature of the relationship with the parents. It goes from brewing something cordial and mutually beneficial into something increasingly resentful – not what anybody wants.
The trick here is to stop this process from unfolding to the point where it causes permanent damage. The child will know in themselves when the best time to move out is – and they’ll let you know on an emotional, subconscious level.
Their Commute Is Too Long
The reasons for your child moving out aren’t just relational – they’re practical too. Who knows where their careers will take them? They’ll often wind up living at home but have a long commute into the office every morning – something that negatively affects their wellbeing. Often the best solution is to move out and live somewhere a little close to their workplace. That way, they’re able to save on train fares and reduce the amount of time that they spend traveling for the sake of work. It makes their life more comfortable and more productive.
You’re Constantly Wondering Where They Are
When your kids live somewhere else, you don’t think about their whereabouts. It’s not a part of your thought process. But when they live with you, it’s different. Even if they are fully-grown adults with their own income, you still wonder where they are and what time they’ll be back.
In some cases, this type of parenting can feel a little awkward for all parties involved. The adult child often simply wants to get on with their lives. If they’re getting constant texts asking them about their whereabouts, it makes them feel smothered. It’s not pleasant for the parent either who is worrying all the time about what they are doing and when they will be back.
They Have Enough Money
Eventually, your kids will get to the point where they have enough money to put down on a house to move out. Sometimes, they can escape the rental trap and get immediately onto the housing ladders. They can also find out how much money they can borrow and what they need to repay using a home loan calculator, considering things like their income.
Often children should get onto the housing ladder early because it instills a sense of financial discipline. When you pay into a mortgage every month, you’re necessarily tucking away money and building your wealth. That doesn’t happen when you rent. If you have spare cash left over at the end of the month, it is tempting to spend it.
You Want To Move On With Your Life
Finally, there may come a time when you want to draw a line in the sand and move on with your life. For some parents, raising children is a temporary thing that they want to do for the first twenty years of life or so. After that point, it’s up to the child to look after themselves. That’s how adult life works. If that’s the case for you, it is probably time that they moved out.
Photo by cottonbro