Health

Self-Esteem Comes From Within, But You Can Build It

Self-esteem is typically described as something you either have or not. We even refer to it as something we own. But it’s fair to say that when you start thinking about self-esteem as a part of your being that comes naturally at birth, you fall into a damaging mindset.


I can’t feel good about myself. I’ve got no self-esteem.

Wrong! You can learn to feel happy in your skin. Some people grew up in an environment that promotes a positive attitude; they may have already built their self-esteem. As a result, they have a healthy perception of themselves and treat themselves with kindness. However, low self-esteem isn’t a fatality. It is an attitude to life. In other words, you can learn to develop your self-appreciation. In short, self-esteem isn’t something you have. It is something you create, which means that it is accessible to everyone.

Well, it’s easy to say. But how does it work in real, everyday life when things never go as planned?

Self-Esteem Comes From Within, But You Can Build It

Self-esteem is not about ignoring your flaws

Being positive about yourself doesn’t mean you should pretend issues don’t exist. On the contrary, people with healthy self-esteem are fully aware of their flaws. Some have learned to embrace and love over time. Others are working to resolve. Ultimately, it is crucial to appreciate that loving yourself is not the same thing as blindly accepting your flaws.

On the contrary, you can use your self-esteem as a tool to devise the best self-improvement strategy. Say you are unhappy about your teeth and wish to straighten up your smile. People with low self-esteem are less likely to reach out to a dentist to discuss the possibility of wearing short term braces. Indeed, self-esteem acts as a pair of glasses that lets you see yourself as you are. So you know where you’re starting from and what you want to achieve. On the other hand, low self-esteem distorts your perception of reality and makes you more reluctant to seek self-improvement support.

Self-esteem is a daily routine

Every day, you get up ready for a new challenge. Getting up feeling energized and optimistic about the day is no easy task. If you’re the kind of person who hates nothing more than the sound of the alarm clock in the morning, a positive mindset is unlikely to be within reach. Ultimately, it’s easy to bring self-esteem into your life if you make it part of a positive routine. Don’t just expect to wake up filled with a healthy and compassionate perception of yourself. Make it happen by building up self-esteem in your daily habits. Start with something simple, such as introducing a morning routine that boosts your self-esteem. Make time for a hearty breakfast and some energizing exercises. This helps feeling positive about your day. Let’s be honest; waking up tired and skipping breakfast doesn’t put you in the best place to love yourself.

Self-esteem is a two-way journey

You’ve probably come across this powerful life lesson in the past: Treat others how you want to be treated. The golden rule goes beyond kindness. It’s about treating those around you with the respect and human values you expect them to show with you. However, when you reverse the statement, you can discover an important truth about self-esteem. Treat yourself how you treat others. More often than not, people with low self-esteem tend to be harsh to themselves. But many have a compassionate and kind attitude to others. Where does that come from? Ultimately, when your perception of your self-worth is compromised, you tend to assume only others are worthy of respect and appreciation. Learning to be kind to yourself in the way you are to others helps redress the balance.

Self-Esteem Comes From Within, But You Can Build It

Self-esteem is a lesson you give others

Your attitude to yourself can’t remain hidden. You may not walk around sharing your intimate thoughts about yourself, but the people around you can guess how you feel. As a parent, your low self-esteem can be contagious. Children learn by imitating your behavior. Parents who portray themselves as unworthy or failing are likely to create the same attitude in their children.

Self-esteem is your feedback on yourself

Self-esteem refers to your perception of yourself. If you have a distorted perception of your self-worth, you are more likely to rely on others to love yourself. You become worthy in your eyes when someone else likes or admires you. Now, think about it. What happens when this person stops liking you or starts mishandling you? It is always a risk in a relationship between friends or partners. If you have no self-esteem, there’s no fall-back option to measure your value. Therefore, you assume that people are unkind to you because that’s all you deserve.

Building up your self-esteem is no easy task. It is a long and challenging journey about self-discovery and self-love. It takes time. But you are worth it!

Photos by Photo by Dee @ Copper and Wild and Sharon McCutcheon

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Jess Benoit

Jess is a homeschooling mama of 3, wife, gamer, Whovian, Nerd

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