It’s been a while since I have actually sat down and written something personal on here. Not that I was avoiding or hiding anything, I’ve just lost all motivation. Not just motivation to write, I’ve lost motivation for everything.
I became burnt out a long time ago. I did notice it slowly creeping up, but instead of changing things up to combat it, I just let it eventually consume me.
Photo by Min An
I wouldn’t say that I’m depressed, just simply burnt out.
My marriage, kids, and life, in general, is amazing. I work at home, homeschool the kids, clean, cook, tend to everyone’s needs, make family time. Due to a phobia, I don’t drive, even though I took Driver’s Ed in high school. I only received my permit due to a law change in between my making the appointment & going to it….so my fear eventually got the best of me & I never went back.
I am a hermit and very happy to stay in my private little shell, safe & happy at home. Having major social anxiety, you would think my life is the perfect set up for that….but it’s not.
Doing almost the same exact thing every single day gets to me after a while.
Prying myself out of bed (NOT a morning person), getting the kids up & started on their lessons, cleaning up the house, laundry, working on this blog/social media, making dinner, dealing with dogs & cats that want in/out every 5 minutes, dealing with the kids, dealing with the husband.
Then there’s the dinner cleanup (I swear I only clean the kitchen to make dinner & mess it up again), spending time with the hubs when he gets home to catch up with each other’s day. When everything is done, & at the end of my day, I jump on my Xbox with my headset & tune everything out for the rest of the night.
I’ve always been a gamer, a major gamer. There were times back in the day where I could & would easily do nothing but play. It’s a hella addiction. And when things are out of whack, my anxiety has me off, or it’s been a bad day, I know my Xbox will be there for me. Who doesn’t love to run through a dungeon and take down some baddies when you’re frustrated??
I’ve met (and lost) some amazing friends through it, learned some lessons, & ultimately gained a family to share the joys of gaming, life, & our struggles. So, it’s not just the actual gaming that helps me, it’s the people as well.
But I noticed that as my lack of motivation was creeping in, my gaming was becoming more and more.
It wasn’t that my gaming was consuming my life & motivation, I just turned to it to cope.
Since Christmas, and getting out more to spend time with different family members, I’ve started to feel that spark come back. After Christmas, I put away decorations & decluttered the main part of the house & it feels so much better. I need to start working on getting to bed earlier which will be a challenge. I’ve always been a night owl and can easily stay up until 5 a.m., and that, in turn, also adds to my lack of motivation due to not enough sleep. Ugh, the never-ending cycle!
So, I just wanted to share with you what’s been going on here. I plan to write more (although I feel like that itself is a challenge to actually know WHAT to write) and to be more active on my business social medias. I truly appreciate those readers who have stuck by me. Love y’all